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(scream)

by Curt Golden

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1.
MISPLACED FAITH Words and music: Curt Golden “I’ve hit nine times in two months and won enough for a new house Charise has won enough to buy a new car James hit six lucky numbers in a row Don’t be a loser. Call now for your lucky numbers and turn your life around Welcome to the prison of the future” You got your yoga meditations and your Zen koans You cast the runes, consult the stars and call your psychic on the phone You got a guru back in Frisco that you met once in a bar You’ll travel half way ‘round the world to keep from being where you are You can’t get to heaven on a elevator and You can’t add up angels on your calculator Eternity’s much bigger than just sooner than later, and God don’t fit in your refrigerator You got Tibetan bells and ivory I Ching sticks Hanging ‘round your throat what’s that, a crucifix You’re keeping all your bases covered, leaving nothing to chance The emptiness won’t give way to your phony cosmic dance You can’t get to heaven on a elevator and You can’t add up angels on a calculator The devil’s much more subtle than your precious Darth Vader, and God don’t fit in your refrigerator It’s only misplaced faith You mask a desperate self indulgence with a beatific smile Beneath it lies a lost soul formed in violence and bile You keep the bits that don’t offend you, leave the bits that cause you pain A religion of expedience, and you’re the patron saint You can’t get to heaven on an elevator and You can’t add up angels on your calculator Armageddon won’t be carried by your cable operator, and God don’t fit in your refrigerator It’s only misplaced faith Do you really imagine that it’s the peyote that makes a Yaqui shaman? Or that just because you’re dizzy… you’re a dervish? Our certified professional psychics are trained to help you with real solutions for love, family, job or personal problems “My psychic saved my marriage Every aspect of my life has improved We’ve helped thousands… …phony predictions from phony psychics? Desperate times breed desperate measures, Major Desperate times breed desperate measures, Major …through real human insight …absolutely accurate information Welcome to the prison of the future And I won a lot of money Have you called all those other psychic lines only to discover everything you want is still slipping through your fingers? Don’t miss another opportunity. Change wasn’t meant to take a long time. (laughs) You don’t have to wait thirty days to take charge of your life Call 1-900 Call Now Call 1-900 Call Now …a lot of money” ©1997 Curt Golden
2.
Patience 06:34
PATIENCE Words and music: Curt Golden I don’t know if there’s a God, or why the grass is green I don’t know how to put my faith in things I’ve never seen But one thing that I know is true There’s a hole in my heart and it’s shaped like you You said that “I know you” and you said “You know me” And it only goes to show just how wrong you can be Hey baby, did you think this through? Or was it just a test to find out how much damage you could do? You got the reason, I got the rhyme You got your freedom, I can take my time You can wave your arms and gather all the stones that you can hurl But you’ll never change a portion of this God-damned world I gotta know Ain’t nothin’ holding me now, no no I gotta know I’m a patient man, but I think that my patience may be running out I don’t know why there’s a God or if the grass is green I got no clue how we got stuck with one and two makes three Don’t know how to make an enemy, and I sure don’t know how to dance Make it from sunrise to sunrise by the seat of my pants But one thing that I know is true There’s a hole in my heart and it’s shaped like you If you want me I’ll come running, I can be there fast But if you wanna break my heart you can kiss my ass I gotta know Ain’t nothin’ holding me now, no no I gotta know I’m a patient pan, but I think that my patience may be… I gotta know Ain’t nothin’ holding me now, no no I gotta know I’m a patient pan, but I think that my patience may be… Patient man, but I think that my patience may be running out I gotta know. I’m a… Patient man, but I think that my patience, I’m a Patient man, but I think that my patience, I’m a Patient man, but I think my patience just ran out ©1997 Curt Golden
3.
4.
Reclamation 06:17
RECLAMATION Words and music: Curt Golden Wake up I the morning in the bed of a fool Head is aching and conscience is too Sun slipping through the blinds, nowhere to hide And as it all comes back you know this is gonna be a long ride Moving through a lifetime where a life should have been Like trying to dance a fandango on the head of a pin In emptiness an echo of a long lost friend Singing come back and take what was once yours again Nobody’s giving permission Nobody’s taking role Seeds of redemption are scattered on an arid soil One simple act of volition Could pull you up out of a hole Reclamation… What’s mine is mine and mine is mine again Reclamation… What’s mine is mine and mine is mine again Wake up in the daylight in the head of a fool Head is spinning and conscience is too Trapped in a waking dream, nowhere to hide And in the flash of an angel’s wing you know it’s time Nobody’s giving permission Nobody’s taking role Seeds of redemption are scattered on an arid soil One simple act of volition Could pull you up out of a hole Reclamation… What’s mine is mine and mine is mine again Reclamation… What’s mine is mine and mine is mine again Reclamation… What’s mine is mine and mine is mine again Reclamation… What’s mine is mine and mine is mine again Slip beneath the covers in the bed of a fool Head is reeling and conscience is too Dreams giving way to dreams, nowhere to hide And as it all slips away you know this is going to be a long night ©1997 Curt Golden
5.
No Shadows 04:41
NO SHADOWS Words and music: Curt Golden We cast no shadows in the dark We cast no shadows in the dark Comfort in illusion, our thoughts are not our own We cast no shadows in the dark Light one small candle and you’ll see The wraith that is lurking behind me Shattered, disillusioned, we never walk alone We cast no shadows in the dark adjust my eyes to shifting light a shape emerges troglodyte I move it moves in unison or is it me that follows him the flame betrays my deepest fears and secrets hidden forty years the hero of my master plan revealed to be a mortal man where’s my pain and what’s my sorrow will it be the same tomorrow could I ever love another god I really miss my mother hateful vision bogus sage a priestly fraud consumed with rage at light exposing one pathetic question Is this A Tragedian’s fatal flaw or just some movie that I saw? A Tragedian’s fatal flaw or just some movie that I saw? A Tragedian’s fatal flaw or just some movie that I saw? A Tragedian’s fatal flaw or just some movie that I saw? Comfort in illusion, our thoughts are not our own We cast no shadows in the dark We cast no shadows ©1997 Curt Golden
6.
(scream) 08:59
(scream) Words and music: Curt Golden They slip you inside information on the damage you done Between the flash of the muzzle and the sound of the gun Off to the races, but way off the mark Off base, off kilter, groping ‘round in the dark Undercover, under wraps, underdone, underfed Under the impression you’d be better off dead Beyond redemption, sinking deep in a dream The inverse coefficient of the square of a… (scream) Around the block, around the corner, around the bend Around the time you find out you’re just a means to an end Behind in payments on that house of cards Now you know how important you are (scream) Scream… Overjoyed, over easy, overkill, overlord Over the hill, and terminally bored Into the deep end in the hope of a thrill There’s a pair of broken glasses on the window sill, just… (scream) Scream… Beneath the simple illusions and the sleight of hand Behind the tender emotions of the civilized man The clever diversions, every face saving scheme Lies the inverse coefficient of the square of a... (scream) (scream) ©1997 Curt Golden
7.
Run Run 06:01
8.
The Mirror 05:59
WHAT IS REAL? Words and music: Curt Golden You glide into the room like a big bird of prey You got nothing in your head but you got plenty to say Sizing up your prospects… “who will it be?” And then, oh my God, you got your eye on me Just what did I do to deserve this fate? I start looking for the door but I’m a little too late You come straight at me with that annoying smile And if I know this is gonna take a while IknowIknowIknowIknow I know what you’re going through (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know what you’re going through) IknowIknowIknowIknow I know how you feel (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know how you feel) IknowIknowIknowIknow I know ‘cause I been there too (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know ‘cause I been there too) IknowIknowIknow and I can tell you what is real (IknowIknowIknow) (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know what you’re going through) (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know how you feel) (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know ‘cause I been there too) (IknowIknowIknow and I can tell you what is real) LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE! Forgive me what I’m thinking ‘cause I know it’s a sin But if you don’t shut up I’m gonna do you in You’re go on and on without taking a breath And in the back of my mind I’m just planning your death IknowIknowIknowIknow I know what I’m going through (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know what I’m going through) IknowIknowIknowIknow I know how I feel (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know how I feel) IknowIknowIknowIknow you think that you’ve been here too, but (IknowIknowIknowIknow you think that you’ve been here too) IknowIknowIknow that you can’t tell me what is real, no way (IknowIknowIknow) (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know what I’m going through) (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know how I feel) (IknowIknowIknowIknow you think that you’ve been here too) (IknowIknowIknow that you can’t tell me what is real) LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE! (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know what you’re going through) (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know how you feel) (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know ‘cause I been there too) (IknowIknowIknow and I can tell you what is real) (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know what I’m going through) IknowIknowIknowIknow I know what I’m going through (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know how I feel) IknowIknowIknowIknow I know how I feel (IknowIknowIknowIknow you think that you’ve been here too) IknowIknowIknowIknow you think that you’ve been here too (IknowIknowIknow that you can’t tell me what is real But you can’t tell me what is real LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE! How did you get so thick? You’re talking like a lunatic LEAVE ME ALONE! You wanna be my pal, I’d rather have a root canal LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE! ©1997 Curt Golden
9.
What Is Real 04:18
WHAT IS REAL? Words and music: Curt Golden You glide into the room like a big bird of prey You got nothing in your head but you got plenty to say Sizing up your prospects… “who will it be?” And then, oh my God, you got your eye on me Just what did I do to deserve this fate? I start looking for the door but I’m a little too late You come straight at me with that annoying smile And if I know this is gonna take a while IknowIknowIknowIknow I know what you’re going through (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know what you’re going through) IknowIknowIknowIknow I know how you feel (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know how you feel) IknowIknowIknowIknow I know ‘cause I been there too (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know ‘cause I been there too) IknowIknowIknow and I can tell you what is real (IknowIknowIknow) (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know what you’re going through) (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know how you feel) (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know ‘cause I been there too) (IknowIknowIknow and I can tell you what is real) LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE! Forgive me what I’m thinking ‘cause I know it’s a sin But if you don’t shut up I’m gonna do you in You’re go on and on without taking a breath And in the back of my mind I’m just planning your death IknowIknowIknowIknow I know what I’m going through (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know what I’m going through) IknowIknowIknowIknow I know how I feel (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know how I feel) IknowIknowIknowIknow you think that you’ve been here too, but (IknowIknowIknowIknow you think that you’ve been here too) IknowIknowIknow that you can’t tell me what is real, no way (IknowIknowIknow) (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know what I’m going through) (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know how I feel) (IknowIknowIknowIknow you think that you’ve been here too) (IknowIknowIknow that you can’t tell me what is real) LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE! (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know what you’re going through) (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know how you feel) (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know ‘cause I been there too) (IknowIknowIknow and I can tell you what is real) (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know what I’m going through) IknowIknowIknowIknow I know what I’m going through (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know how I feel) IknowIknowIknowIknow I know how I feel (IknowIknowIknowIknow you think that you’ve been here too) IknowIknowIknowIknow you think that you’ve been here too (IknowIknowIknow that you can’t tell me what is real But you can’t tell me what is real LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE! How did you get so thick? You’re talking like a lunatic LEAVE ME ALONE! You wanna be my pal, I’d rather have a root canal LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE! ©1997 Curt Golden
10.
WHAT IS REAL? Words and music: Curt Golden You glide into the room like a big bird of prey You got nothing in your head but you got plenty to say Sizing up your prospects… “who will it be?” And then, oh my God, you got your eye on me Just what did I do to deserve this fate? I start looking for the door but I’m a little too late You come straight at me with that annoying smile And if I know this is gonna take a while IknowIknowIknowIknow I know what you’re going through (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know what you’re going through) IknowIknowIknowIknow I know how you feel (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know how you feel) IknowIknowIknowIknow I know ‘cause I been there too (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know ‘cause I been there too) IknowIknowIknow and I can tell you what is real (IknowIknowIknow) (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know what you’re going through) (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know how you feel) (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know ‘cause I been there too) (IknowIknowIknow and I can tell you what is real) LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE! Forgive me what I’m thinking ‘cause I know it’s a sin But if you don’t shut up I’m gonna do you in You’re go on and on without taking a breath And in the back of my mind I’m just planning your death IknowIknowIknowIknow I know what I’m going through (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know what I’m going through) IknowIknowIknowIknow I know how I feel (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know how I feel) IknowIknowIknowIknow you think that you’ve been here too, but (IknowIknowIknowIknow you think that you’ve been here too) IknowIknowIknow that you can’t tell me what is real, no way (IknowIknowIknow) (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know what I’m going through) (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know how I feel) (IknowIknowIknowIknow you think that you’ve been here too) (IknowIknowIknow that you can’t tell me what is real) LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE! (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know what you’re going through) (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know how you feel) (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know ‘cause I been there too) (IknowIknowIknow and I can tell you what is real) (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know what I’m going through) IknowIknowIknowIknow I know what I’m going through (IknowIknowIknowIknow I know how I feel) IknowIknowIknowIknow I know how I feel (IknowIknowIknowIknow you think that you’ve been here too) IknowIknowIknowIknow you think that you’ve been here too (IknowIknowIknow that you can’t tell me what is real But you can’t tell me what is real LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE! How did you get so thick? You’re talking like a lunatic LEAVE ME ALONE! You wanna be my pal, I’d rather have a root canal LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE! ©1997 Curt Golden
11.
12.
NO SHADOWS Words and music: Curt Golden We cast no shadows in the dark We cast no shadows in the dark Comfort in illusion, our thoughts are not our own We cast no shadows in the dark Light one small candle and you’ll see The wraith that is lurking behind me Shattered, disillusioned, we never walk alone We cast no shadows in the dark adjust my eyes to shifting light a shape emerges troglodyte I move it moves in unison or is it me that follows him the flame betrays my deepest fears and secrets hidden forty years the hero of my master plan revealed to be a mortal man where’s my pain and what’s my sorrow will it be the same tomorrow could I ever love another god I really miss my mother hateful vision bogus sage a priestly fraud consumed with rage at light exposing one pathetic question Is this A Tragedian’s fatal flaw or just some movie that I saw? A Tragedian’s fatal flaw or just some movie that I saw? A Tragedian’s fatal flaw or just some movie that I saw? A Tragedian’s fatal flaw or just some movie that I saw? Comfort in illusion, our thoughts are not our own We cast no shadows in the dark We cast no shadows ©1997 Curt Golden

about

(scream)
the definitive edition

1997 Temporary Masters demo tape liner notes:

"if you suspect you are in this band, please contact tmaster music"


The story…

This music was recorded between 1994-97, in my apartment in New York City. It began as a simple exercise. It was meant to be archival, never released. Reclamation, No Shadows, and What Is Real had been in the repertoire of a smoking, if short-lived, band that Victor McSurely, Michael D’Agostino and I had, called Desperate Measures. The Mirror was in rehearsal, but had never been performed when the band broke up in May 1994. I loved the band, and didn't want to lose track of the material. I pulled a lot of already obsolete recording equipment out of mothballs and set up in my living room. I worked without any sense of urgency, evenings and weekends. There was no deadline. As much as anything else, it was a useful project to keep me engaged and occupied at a time when I needed that.

With the recording equipment permanently set up, I began to discover other things I could try. Venus In Furs was a piece I had been contemplating for Desperate Measures, so I thought I'd give it a go. Once the process was under way, new material began appearing. A chance late-night encounter with the amazing array of telephone psychic ads that appear on NYC cable TV, combined with my somewhat cynical impressions a certain breed of spiritually-oriented folk, spawned Misplaced Faith. The appearance of a single lyric, "if you want to break my heart you can kiss my ass", seemed to demand that I build a song around it; Patience. The basic guitar lick for (scream) appeared early on, and just sat there going nowhere for nearly 2 years, until one day I started playing “fun with prepositions” for possible lyrics. What emerged from this process was more “me” than anything I had previously done. The aim of the project moved from archiving to demoing. I wondered if there was really a band that might play this material, so I started to do one-off direct to cassette mixes of whatever material was presentable at any given moment. Temporary Masters, I called them, and I gave them to anyone who would listen.

This was strictly low-tech and bootstraps. The basic tracks were recorded by beginning with an Alesis HR16 drum machine direct, and then everything else miked with my good ol' reliable SM58, into an ancient workhorse 4-track Teac 3440 reel-to-reel. I would program and record the drum tracks, and then record, bounce, re-record and overdub all other parts until I had something that sounded to me as much like a live rock and roll band as possible. Parts were generally recorded in single, uninterrupted takes, since punching in required that I operate the Teac remote control with my toes. If a change in form, tempo or arrangement became necessary, this meant going back and starting over from scratch. This rarely seemed to bother me. All of the pieces were in a constant state of revision right up until the final mix. In July 1997, as Reni and I drove nonstop for 24 hours from New York City down to his recording studio in West Palm Beach, I was still composing the lyrics to (scream). I had never sung the piece until it was time to record the vocals. We had scheduled a week of necessary overdubs, mixing and mastering, so I brought all of my recording and music equipment with me. Didn't sleep much that week. When we were done, I had a 6 song ep, with 3 songs left incomplete, not ready or unsalvageable with existing technology.

A lot of changes in recording technology since 1997. After I moved to Seattle, Reni sent me a remastered and much improved edition. Steve Turnidge further tweaked the master. But outside of periodically burning copied of the ep for interested parties, the (scream) project has remained on the shelf, constantly eclipsed by more current and pressing matters.

A year or so ago I took a look into my closet at the boxes of decomposing magnetic tape, and realized that if I did not capture their contents in a somewhat more durable form, the music would be lost forever. I had dozens of cassette tapes of rehearsals and live performances going back to 1971, all sorts of recorded compositions from a period of home recording 1978-85, and of course the original (scream) recordings. Everything had to be listened to, identified, evaluated and transferred (in real-time) into a digital form. A necessary task of introspection and recapitulation.

I was fascinated to find the original (scream) 4-track recordings. Not everything was there, since we had done a certain amount of additional overdubbing at Reni’s studio, and that material was lost to me. I found the dat master of the original mixes, which could certainly be remastered and vastly improved. But more importantly, I came across the raw 4-track recordings of the 3 pieces that had been shelved in the first project, along with several trial mixes of them that I had done at the time they were recorded. Among them was The Mirror, the piece that had set the project in motion in the first place. What Is Real was the first piece I wrote specifically for Desperate Measures, and was performed at every show between September 1993 and May 1994. Run Run was a romp that had emerged during the recording project; I had always imagined there were vocals to be added, but it turns out it was meant to be instrumental.

Of particular interest to me were the live bootleg cassettes of Desperate Measures shows in New York. Jim Brawley, a fixture whose mission in life was to document and archive the NYC music scene, took a liking to Desperate Measures, and so I have recordings of many of our shows; a very useful counterbalance to any revisionist memories I may harbor. A remarkable band; loud, angry, loose, with vocals performed by a couple of guys whose only qualification for singing was that someone had to do it. The organized chaos might have been interesting if heard once, but the number of live performances captured by Jim make it abundantly clear that the chaos was an illusion; night after night we could walk on stage, set up, plug in, and deliver. Amazing.

So the germ of the idea to put together a “definitive” (scream) began to whisper in my ear, and while it was not accompanied by any sense of urgency, the message was clear that I could put it off, but I could not avoid it. One more round of remix/remaster for the ep, to be sure. But to retrieve the 3 missing songs, and to see if any of the live Desperate Measures recordings of (scream) material might be resurrected; that would be something. I don’t make “new years resolutions”, but at the dawn of 2010 I heard the whispering voice say, “now is the time.”

Curt Golden
May 4, 2011

credits

released October 17, 2011

(scream)
the definitive edition

Musicians
Studio recordings: Curt Golden, guitars, bass, drum programming and vocals
Desperate Measures: Curt Golden, guitar and vocals; Victor McSurely, chapman stick and vocals; Michael D’Agostino, drums and vocals

Basic tracks recorded by Curt Golden, in my Pinehurst Avenue apartment, NYC, late 1994 to July 1997, much to the chagrin of my neighbors. Live tracks recorded at Lion’s Den, NYC, May 25, 1994

Additional recording, mixing and mastering of original ep: Reinaldo Perez and Curt Golden, in Reni's West Palm Beach apartment/recording studio, July 6-13, 1997. That’s right… West Palm Beach in July

Live Desperate Measures bootleg recording, added vocals, hoots, hollers, and unqualified enthusiasm: the late great Jim Brawley

Definitive remix, bonus tracks, bootleg rejuvenation, and remastering: Steve Turnidge, Ultraviolet Studios, Seattle, August 18 – September 26, 2010

Thanks to Reinaldo Perez and Steve Turnidge for their incalculable contribution, unwavering support, and infinite patience. Credit for everything that sounds good on this recording is entirely theirs. The failures and shortcomings are entirely mine

Thanks to Victor McSurely and Michael D’Agostino for giving me the opportunity to play music that was so good I had to find a way to capture it for posterity

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about

Curt Golden Seattle, Washington

Curt Golden is a guitarist and instructor who has played in a number of rock, blues, and jazz bands. He attended the first Guitar Craft course in 1985 and recorded and toured extensively with the League and Orchestra of Crafty Guitarists. From 1987-97 Curt lived in NYC where (scream) was written and recorded. He relocated to Seattle where he still resides, teaching guitar and performing. ... more

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